the chocolate factory is closed

Pfoai ce zi!

Aseara am adormit la Texter pe canapea, uitandu-ma la Inbetweeners.

Spuneam eu la un moment dat ca Monsieur Diplomacy are un detector care se activeaza la orice tentativa de combinatie de-a mea... Evident, s-a activat si aseara. Nu prea ma stresez eu cu ce-l deranjeaza pe Texter, dar facuse un efort si gatise... Dupa 2 ore de sms-uiala si email-uiala, deja il vedeam cum se urca pe pereti. Pe partea cealalta, Monsieur Diplomacy s-a nevrozat ca eram la Texter (asta ca sunt eu sincera cu el si-i spun absolut tot).

Dimineata, in drum spre masina, realizez ca mi-am uitat ciocolata. Shit! Nu ma intorc, ca-mi merge prost. Ma urc in masina. Masina nu porneste. Insist. Degeaba. Fuck!

Ma contrez cu Monsieur Diplomacy la prima ora. Motive banuite de mine, negate de el. Oricum o dau, nu e bine, mereu are ceva de comentat.

Urmeaza schimb de mailuri cu Texter, stresat ca nu i-am acordat atentie 100% aseara:

T: I know I am the married one, and I know you're the one who can have lovers etc, but I think I need to know what you want.
Me: Still the issue with my texting last night? U're married. Assuming I was seeing someone else, u shouldn't have any problem with that.
T: Correct. I wouldn't have a problem... as long as 1, you're open about it, and 2, it doesn't affect the time we choose to spend together. I don't think this is unreasonable.
Me: 1 - I am as open about it as I should be. 2 - I'm sorry for last night, but unfortunately, I can not say it will not happen again. I know u'll say we don't spend that much time together, and so when we do, nothing should interfere... But that's the exact reason for which I simply cannot put behind everything else, just because u're there. I'm not your number one priority, obvious. You can't be my number one, cause u're already committed to someone else. I enjoy spending time with you, even if most of the time we have to see each other late at night, when u're done with your skype-marriage. I make compromises, so should u.
T: I care for you. I really do. But, I'm done. No hard feelings. Hope we can still be friends.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Toate ca toate, dar fara masina sunt distrusa.

delayed trips to the chocolate factory...

Dupa fazele cu nevasta-sa in urma carora eu m-am crizat la maxim si ca sa reintre in gratziile mele, texter a devenit furnizor de ciocolata Cadbury, poate vreti sa stiti ca relatia mea cu el has reached a new level:

I figured 'we' had gone to the next level recently. Getting to know each other right? Well... I'm looking forward to seeing you... thinking about you FAR TOO MUCH...last night you say you'll see me this week... and this morning you've got other things to do. Not complaining - I just do not want my feelings to continue to grow - if yours are doing nothing.
Apologies if this sounds all gay again!

Ma intreb la al catelea nivel isi imagineaza el ca facem sex...

meet the marriage wrecker!

Mi-a spus cineva ca facebook distruge vieti. Am replicat ca fb e plin de distrusi...








...de la texter (adica de la nevasta-sa, in numele lui).
Au mai urmat vreo 10 mesaje de genul bitch!, slut!, marriage wrecker! si i'll see u on the 25th when my wife leaves RO so we can get on with it... Mesajele astea au fost trimise pe wall, sa le vada tot poporul, de m-a sunat toata lumea sa ma intrebe cine dracului e nebunul, sau daca am luat-o razna.
Asadar, femeia i-a cotrobait prin laptop, a dedus ca o arde aiurea si cu toate astea, nu si-a facut bagajele in secunda urmatoare, ci a preferat sa mi se adreseze. Evident, si-a dat seama ca nu ne-am tras-o, zic eu ca de asta a mentionat dimensiunile lui texter (asta ca tot zicea D ca o are mica), dar cred ca a citit doar mailurile lui catre mine, nu si invers. Atunci cand nu il ignoram, ii raspundeam cu replici scurte si foarte incriminatoare, de genul "u freak!", "u stalker", "u pervert", dar asta e irelevant, eu sunt the marriage wrecker!
A doua zi, pe la 8 jumatate dimineata, ma suna. Reject. Sms in care-mi spune ca vrea sa-si ceara scuze (ok pana aici...) si de acum inainte, sa ne trimitem sms-uri, ca e-mailul nu e sigur. WTF?!?!
Astia doi s-au luat bine. Ma jur ca pereche mai potrivita n-am vazut!

Trebuie sa iau o pauza de la psihopatzenii, deja simt k m-am intoxicat.

here we are now. entertain me.

(1) Iar Texter...
M-a innebunit de cap acum vreo 2 seri cu sms, mail, sms, mail, sms, mail si tot asa, de am zis ca arunc telefonul ala pe geam. Si cum eu m-am jurat ca tel pe silent nu-l voi mai tine vreodata (exceptand momentele rare cand intru in biserica), i-am zis sa se urce intr-un taxi si sa vina sa ma frece la cap de pe canapeaua mea din sufragerie, doar sa ma lase naiba cu telefonul ala. Brusc, s-a imbolnavit:
- I honestly would if I could, but I'm a bit scarred (nu scared, scaRRed). Illness.
- Then u better shove that phone up your ass and just let me go to bed!

A doua zi am plecat tarziu de la birou si m-am eschivat de la Drinks Before Home. Drinks @ Home are way better. Si incepe: U out tonight? D. is out, but u aren't? Like... baby...seriously??? No illness tonight? Asa ca s-a gandit el un pic si mi-a trimis poze cu vanatai/cicatrici sau naiba stie ce erau, k n-am inteles nimic din ele si oricum nu le vedeam rostul. Okeeeei... Ii urez noapte buna si pa. Nu trec 5 min ca incepe din nou:
- Ever get lonely?
- Going somewhere with that?
- I'd have u here now if I could.
(JURA-TE!)
- Baaaaaaaaaaaaabe. U text a lot and don't do much. I know that, u know that, we're good. Now can I please have some sleep?
- This is not good. Feel free to call by.
Il ignor.
- Door is open for u.
Il ignor in continuare.
- Why u ignoring me again?
- Chill & lock the door.
- Chilled.

(2) Evident, s-a dus naiba somnul meu. Am iesit in fata blocului, m-am asezat pe trepte cu o sticla de cola si m-am bucurat de compania unei persoane care a meritat toata atentia mea si pe care o venerez pt ca ma binedispune intr-un mod aparte :) Thaaaanks!

(3) BTW v-am zis cat imi place, place, place Monsieur Diplomacy? :)

...obviously, I'm getting lots and lots of... entertainment :-|

texter: ho ho merry easter!
eu: lol, merry easter to u too. how u doing?
texter: not bad thanks. you? involved?
eu: hah?
texter: ...with anyone...
eu: aaaaaa....why do u ask?
texter: just being nosey...and so...
eu: married men are not allowed to be nosey
texter: I'll take that as a yes then...


No comment.

:-|

Alte faze din ciclul 'freaks around me'...
Dupa nenumaratele mesaje de genul "stop texting me", "i'm done with you" si in ciuda faptului ca de multe ori pur si simplu l-am ignorat, texter nu se lasa si ma surprinde intr-o dimineata, cam pe la 7.30 - 8, cu un mesaj care suna cam asa "Are u wearing a bra today?" :-|
Dupa vreo saptamana, out of nowhere, imi zice ca nu vrea sa doarma singur si ca i-ar face placere compania mea. Refuz politicos si a doua zi urmeaza zeci de mesaje in care-mi zice ca nu ma poate scoate din mintea lui. Seriooos? Ironic, ii spun intr-un tarziu ca e foarte bine ca sunt eu acolo, in mintea lui, gandindu-ma ca asta ar trebui sa-l linisteasca o vreme. Reactia: "Are u hormonal, babe?" :-|

Unde dracului ii gasesc? Undeeeeeeeeeee?

the F word

Texter is away for a couple of weeks and unfortunately, distance doesn't make him less of a jerk as I was hoping. He was in need of attention today (as i completely ignored him since he left) so we started talking. One thing led to another and I end up telling him I've been offered a job in renewable energy which I know nothing about, and I asked for his opinion. Here's the response:
A job proposal? That's cool. Does it mean you get more guys to fuck?
Besides the fact I don't see any connection between these two, I again ask myself why do guys continuously overestimate my sexual life?
Here's the thing, assholes: I'm single & I don't fuck around, I have a huge dog (and yes, that kinda keeps men away), I live in a single-chick-apartment, I sleep alone, I eat alone, I drink alone, I sometimes fuck alone!

get me off

Din senin, primesc mail cu acest link, de la dansul, care vrea sa stie daca se aplica si la mine cele scrise acolo.
Avand in vedere ca:
- in toate companiile exista cel putin un IT-ist care n-are o viata a lui si traieste de pe urma mailurilor nepotrivite pe care le trimit/primesc alti angajati
- tipul asta inca nu m-a convins ca merita vreun efort psihic, ci doar imi umple inboxul nejustificat
- are curiozitati nepotrivite care merita raspunsuri pe masura
- dupa conversatia asta va fi vizibil frustrat in preajma mea ori de cate ori va trebui sa interactionam pe viitor
...dau reply povestindu-i felul in care am eu orgasm, mail pe care il inchei cu "How do U cum, babe?"

Evident, reactia a fost "Shocked!"
Snap out of it, it's not gonna happen!

tentatii enorme

Acum ca ne-am declarat femei singure si am decis ca ne putem prosti aiurea (D era deja singura si se distra, dar suna mai dragut la plural, ca si cum am fi gandit si planificat amandoua treaba asta), ne dam seama ca nu stim sigur daca ne convine situatia asta...

D iese cu un tip, raman singurei, servesc niste alcool, apuca sa faca putin sex (putin inseamna foarte putin!) si aluia i se face rau.
I se face rau! Deeeeci dupa ce ca facem sex o data la jumatate de an, atunci aluia i se face rau. Mdeah...
A doua zi o invita la el seara, spunandu-i ca ii este inca rau si sa ii tina de urat.
Nu ca sa se revanseze fata de ea, ci sa ii tina de urat :))) Excitant!

In ceea ce ma priveste pe mine, treaba a stat cam asa: m-a invitat in oras, i-am spus ca ma gandesc si revin cu un raspuns, apoi schimb de sms-uri (in engleza, ca e englez)

*mentionez inainte de toate ca nu am iesit, nu m-am pupat, nu m-am atins de tipul asta pana acum...si probabil ca asta nici nu o sa se intample vreodata

Numele lui: Sorry if this sounds bad, but I really want to kiss you right now
Eu: Bad?!
Numele lui: Bad for you
Eu: Again... Bad?!
Numele lui: I might get too excited :) and cause a leak :)
Eu: Nooooooo, u did not say that!
Numele lui: :) mental note: must not get damp patch
Eu: U freak!
Numele lui: you can though :)

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Again... WHAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUCK?

Update: D a concluzionat ca trebuie sa aiba un penis foarte mic :)))